Boundaries

In this Episode of You Have a Dream: Living with purpose, Coach Brandy dives into the power of setting boundaries.  They foster self-love, improve our relationships, and are a form of stewardship.  Whether you are new to boundaries or refining them, this episode is a guide to reclaiming your time, energy, and peace.   

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Life Coach Brandy here. Somewhere inside you there is a dream that refuses to let go. A quiet whisper from God reminding you that your life has purpose. This is You Have a Dream Living with Purpose podcast. Hi, welcome back. I'm Life Coach Brandy, and this is You Have a Dream Living with Purpose podcast. Today we are going to discuss boundaries. Setting boundaries isn't about shutting people out, it's about keeping your energy sacred and your focus clear. So, how setting boundaries it honors your worth, it honors your strengths, it honors your relationships, and creates space for growth and divine alignment. So often we feel guilty for saying no or fear disappointing others. But boundaries aren't walls, they're invitations. When you set them with love, you teach others how to love you well. Healthy boundaries say I love you and I love me too. They protect your time and your emotional space and your calling. Without them, we burn out trying to be everything for everyone. I know I do that a lot. Sometimes I just need to stay. No. So boundaries allow your yes to mean something. Every time you honor your own limits, you honor the life that God has entrusted you with. So maybe the thought of saying no just gives you knots in your stomach, and it just made I know that if I'm gonna be late anywhere, or I think I'm gonna be late, I just get knots in my stomach. I feel like I'm gonna throw up because I hate being late. So maybe you've been burned out because you couldn't say no. And you need to say no at the right times. I want to tell you, boundaries are not unspiritual, they are a form of stewardship. And it's stewardship of your time, your body, your calling, and your family. Scripture and self-care teach us about limits. We will learn practical ways to set boundaries today. Mark 1, verse 35 says, very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went off to solitary, to a solitary place where he prayed. This way, Jesus's, this was Jesus' way of self-care. Time for himself to pray and reflect and align himself. Jesus modeled rhythm and margin. He didn't let his ministry devour his life. So he created safe places for him. Because can you imagine, I mean, being Jesus and all the ministering that he did and all the healing that he did? Can you imagine how drained he was? That that was a lot, and I know, I mean, I know he's God, but he was here as a person, so I know that he felt stuff as a person. So you know he had it had to take a toll on him. So he had to set his boundaries and make sure he had time for prayer for himself, time to reflect, time to re-energize, time to realign himself for the next day. So he didn't let his ministry devour him, right? So this small example gives us a theological handle. Even the Son of God practice limits. Boundaries can be an example, an imitation of Christ's rhythm. Less divine boundaries, so you have a clear understanding. And most of you think boundaries, they're state lines, you know, boundaries. Or you can't go outside, like in football, you can't go out of bounds, that's a boundary. Or basketball. I don't know enough about baseball to even tell you anything, and I know that in volleyball they have out-of-bounds too. So a boundary is the limit you set to protect your physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational health. So you can have, so you can have time to hurt yourself and flourish in your calling. I'll be right back. I'm gonna take a little break. I need a drink. Welcome back. So why your boundaries matter? Stewardship. God gives us one life. We are stewards of that time, right? In our relationships and calling. Setting limits is faithful management. So Sabbath and rhythm, God modeled rest, Jesus practiced withdrawal boundaries help us to keep the Sabbath in a daily life. So to re-energize, to re you know, you need to re-energize, you need to take a day off, you need to take a day for you, and that's your self-care. Okay, you need to take a day for you. I mean, on Sunday I go to church, and then the rest of the day is for me. I usually go grocery shopping early because I go to the first service, and that way I'm home and can spend the rest of the day with my family, or if we have stuff to do, we can all do it. And uh, but that is my day that I take the time to reset for the week coming up. So our love and truth is another way. Healthy boundaries protect others from our resentment and our burnout. Love sometimes requires a firm no. You know, because sometimes we're just exhausted, and so um when somebody when we when we didn't set our boundary, when we said okay, and you're just drained, and so you kind of get cranky and irritable, and then you're gonna hold resentment because you didn't really want to go, and now you're just cranky, and it's just it's it boundaries are good. People all right, so common misconceptions though are that boundaries are selfish. The truth is, is they create sustainable love and service. Because like I said, when we are, you know, when we're getting close to burnout or when we didn't really want to do whatever somebody asked us to do, you get irritable and you may say some unkind things. So it's really not selfish, it is holding on to our self-care, and it's loving them and loving us at the same time. So spiritual people should always be available. The truth is availability without limits leads to ineffectiveness and sometimes spiritual decline. So you have to have those boundaries. So saying no is unloving no. But the truth is unchecked yeses can enable unhealthy patterns and harm relationships. How do you start setting boundaries? So, okay, when we say no, it and it they don't listen, it kind of it ain't it enables unhealthy patterns. It does, and you can see that a lot with the kids these days, you know, because um, you know, I'll give my grandkids as an example. They want to play on some sort of tablet, they have little consoles, all the time, all the time, and so when we say no, mom and I are firm about it, but we say no, I there's meltdowns, there's all kinds of stuff, and like last weekend, I took the boys to a birthday party, and it was time to go because I told him it was we were leaving at four o'clock because it was their brother's birthday as well. We Cameron was fine. Caleb had a complete meltdown, and I was like, oh my lord. Oh my lord. I mean, it was embarrassing because he was like, I just want to play a game, I just want to play a game, I just want to play a game. I'm like, Caleb, you just ice skated for two hours. You just had pizza and cake, and now it's time to go to your brother's. And he was like, I just want to play a game, I just want to play a game. I'm like, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, it was it was a lot. I called my mom and I was like, I'm not ever doing this again. Because it's like every time, if there are any sort of like there was an arcade and that's what they were wanting to do, but if there's any sort of games, it's like meltdown, even if we let them play games, okay, even if we let them play games, it is still gonna be a meltdown when it's time to go because they just want to play games, and they just want to play games, and it's so how do we set boundaries? The first way is time, calendars, appointment limits, office hours, no contact windows. Um, like I put my phone on, do not disturb, at nine o'clock. Nine to seven. It doesn't ding at me if a student texts me, it doesn't ding at me if I get an email. So I actually have that no contact window because that is my time to chillax after the day, right? So emotional, refusing to engage in abusive conversations, walking away from the minimum manipulation, and then don't let don't let someone gaslight you. I mean, gaslighting is bad these days. Don't let them gaslight you to make you think you're crazy, just walk away and say we need to have this conversation later. And that's okay, because that gives them time to calm down and reflect on what whatever is making them so upset. Spiritual, limit yourself on ministry, involvement, protecting your personal devotion time. So um, one of the examples that I'm gonna give you from um a listener they sent me, and that was their that was that was their issue, and so I'll give you a way to respond. Um physical, personal space, self, you know, safe touching, hospitality limits. Everybody has their little bubble, that's your personal space. Don't let somebody cross that boundary. Safe touch if you're not like I'm a huggy person, but I always ask, is it okay if I give you a hug? Because some people don't like that. So, and then digital phone notifications, social media interactions, response, expectations. Sometimes we need to lower our expectations, and sometimes we just need to walk away from social media, and I'm at that point right now because there is so much craziness out there. I mean, I'm doing social media, but I don't sit there and just scroll. I mean, I'll watch a couple of reels, horses, and miniature cows, they're too cute. But then it when I start getting the other stuff, I'm like, time to go. So, and then financial. Give yourself limits, safe limits, and clear uh give yourself clear expectations of your financial, like if somebody asked you for money, clear expectations for the financial requests, and then discernment tools, prayer and silence, ask, does this honor God and the people I love? And then I love this uh fruit check. Does this produce peace, patience, and steadiness? And then wise counsel. If you just don't know, talk to a trusted friend or a mentor or even your pastor. Listen to your body. Um, physical fatigue, dread, uh, inavailability, red flags that a boundary is needed. So listen to your body. It's always gonna tell you when something is whack-a-doodle, right? So when you don't set a boundary, or let me think about this. When you need to set a boundary, like after you've listened to your body, if you feel fear, that's a boundary, you know. But so when not, when you don't need to set a boundary, when you're getting lazy, or if you're avoiding uh discipleship, um, and it's masquerading as a boundary, distinguish the sin avoidance from wise limits by checking motives and also talking to a friend. Why did I why did I why did I say no? Or why did I you know, because sometimes when anxiety is after us, we do. We just nope, can't go, not feeling it. And I I will admit to it, but it wasn't lazy though, but like I said, my cousin has asked me to go out to the casino to watch some bands that she likes. I'm just like, nope. And that's my boundary because I am I don't know that's too much people in, I think. I mean you go to a bar, you know what it is. It's there are always meat markets, and I don't like that, and I don't want to be there. So I'm gonna walk you through some scenarios now. Alright, so these are from our listens, so listeners, so these are real scenarios, and I can show you how to respond. So Sarah sent me that she's the overstretched volunteer. They keep asking her to take on more and more and more, and um, she already she already works two nights a week at her church, and so she's like, I'm tired and my family is suffering, but she worries she'll be judged if she steps back. Your response should acknowledge the value of the ministry and affirm that they're you know their concern, but you can say, I love serving here, but I need to step back to tend to my family and health. It wasn't rude, it wasn't disrespectful. She gave her why, but she also said she does love the ministry, but she needs to step back to take care of her family and her health. So that was very respectful. So, scenario two is Jennifer sent my aging parent expects me to be at their house every day. I work and have kids, I can't be there daily. So, in your response, you need to validate the desire for care, and a practical step you can take is set up a consistent visiting schedule and involve other family or community supporters, people from their church or their friends, and just set up a rotation that way it's not falling on you. So, what to say? I want to care for you. I can be here on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Sundays, and let's plan for care on the other days, and then that's when you brainstorm who they would like to come on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays and Saturdays. So it's not all the burden's not all falling on you, and that way you do have some time just with your family. And I know it's hard because they I mean there are our parents, they gave birth to us, and they are aging, but we also need to take care of us too and our household. So this one was from a pastor, um, and he feels the need to always answer the text. As a leader, I get texts late at night. I feel pulled to respond, but it affects my sleep and prayer life. So you should your response should be to set office hours, set an auto reply for after hours. This is if they're emails. If these are texts, put your phone on, do not disturb. And that you'll take care of them in the morning. Um, email out of office reply can say I check my messages between 9 and 5, 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. If this is urgent, I will I will respond as soon as possible. So that's still setting a clear boundary, and he can have his sleep not interrupted, and his wife's sleep not interrupted. Plus, if it if they happen to do it, you know, let's say at 9 o'clock, and that's his reserved prayer time, then it's not interrupting that, too. So these are all good ways. They're still respectful, they're mindful, they're intentional, and they're done with love and kindness. So that's what's important is that we're doing everything in love and everything in kindness, right? So that's what I feel like. That's why I feel like it's important. We need to be do everything in love, be kind, and you know, respectful. And those three scenarios, if you have more, just let me know and I'll help you out. So I would really like to go to our guided uh reflection right now and the power of know. Alright, take a deep breath. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and think about where your energy feels scattered. Whisper to yourself, it's safe to rest, it's safe to say no, it's safe to protect my peace. Now visualize yourself creating a gentle circle of light around you, your sacred space of grace and balance. This is what it feels like to honor your worth. Alright, so let's open up our journals, and we're gonna answer this question. Where in my life do I need stronger boundaries? Write one boundary you want to create this week at work, in relationships, or with your time, and then write your affirmation for it. For example, it's okay to say no. My peace is my priority, rest is holy, and then I would review your boundaries regularly. Healthy boundaries evolve as you do, so your boundaries are gonna evolve as you get more comfortable setting those boundaries and learning to say no at the right time. And so your affirmation for this week is my boundaries are bridges of love that protect my peace and honor my purpose. So and the scripture for the week is but those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. Isaiah 40 31. I hope you enjoyed this episode of You Have a Dream Living with Purpose podcast called Boundaries. Before you go, make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if you're ready to reach out to take the to set up your one-on-one coaching session, I would be glad to hear from you. Your subscription means the world to me and it makes a difference. Thank you for being a part of it. Remember to check out Folds of Honor. Saying no to what drains you creates room for what fulfills you. We'd love to hear how you're creating boundaries. Healthy boundaries. Email us at you have a dream.com and share your brown boundary breakthroughs or reflections. Have a great day. Life Coach Brandy. If today's message speaks to you, share this episode or the podcast with someone who might need the same encouragement. Now let's keep living with purpose and the energy of yes and no. Be blessed. Life Coach Brandy out of here.